I've kind of been depressed lately. It's been hard trying to stay on top of stuff. I know that I need to recover and not let stuff bug me (like the food that's been on the floor for a few days now). It's so easier said than done. I hear it over and over again:
"It's ok Rachael, you need to recover."..."It will get better Rachael, just hang in there."..."Are your kids helpful Rachael?...How about Patrick?"
It is true, my kids are very helpful...in making the messes, and to be quite frank, Patrick is a good contributor to it also. It's gotten to the point where my house isn't just cluttered anymore...it's actually dirty. Like gross dirty. I'm hiring someone to come in and clean the stuff that hasn't been cleaned in 3 weeks (like my toilets!).
The past 3 weeks have been tough. I don't know what I was thinking when recovery from knee surgery entered my mind. I knew I would be on crutches for 2 weeks...I didn't really realize I wouldn't be able to even feed myself (unless I stood at the counter), because of them. I didn't realize that the simple act of putting a sock, or underwear, or clothes on would require assistance from another person. I didn't realize that I would only get a shower once a week for that first 2 weeks and even then, it wasn't a real shower since I had to prop my leg on the toilet. I didn't realize that I wouldn't be able to sleep on my side or my stomach and that the phrase "Back is Best" would actually apply to me as well as a newborn. I didn't realize that my kids would totally ignore me knowing full well that I couldn't get up to make sure they did listen. I didn't realize that going to the bathroom would feel like an hour workout. I didn't realize that my wrists would replace the knee pain from the constant pressure on them from the use of crutches. I didn't realize that it would take 3 weeks before I could actually try to walk and even then, the knee would be wobbly and not steady from the mangled muscles around it. I definitely didn't realize that it would take me 3 weeks before I could actually drive anywhere. Getting into the car by myself is almost like the hour potty workout.
So I've been living the last 3 weeks of my life day to day. Trying to get up and push myself, crying in private (because I'm not a cryer...I'm NOT!). I've gone to church the past two Sundays (even though I can't do anything but listen). I made dinner tonight for the first time in 3 weeks, and I have even cleaned the kitchen a few times (minus the floors...hence, the food that's been there for days). I ventured over to Toys R Us with Carly yesterday (asked my mom to meet me there since it was my first outing alone). I've done some laundry and even dusted the living room. I got to take a real shower for the first time the other day. I just wanted to stay in it all morning. It felt so good! I even took a bath last night and was able to get in it and out of it all by myself. Kids have gotten breakfast served by me the past two mornings and I have been able to pick up Ethan from school the past few days too.
Life is getting better. Things are still really hard to do and extremely more time consuming than normal, but I can at least do them now. I'm hoping that I'll be able to decorate for Christmas in a nice clean house with clean carpets (which is another thing that I need to get done so it can stop bugging me). I don't have any hopes for Thanksgiving this year except that someone other than me will throw it at their house and make a killer turkey. I know that this is kind of a down and out post. I've just been having a hard time lately and let's face it, life isn't always so wonderful like people portray in blog land. I'm trying to stay positive and really focus on the stuff I CAN do rather than the stuff I can't. If that can't make me happy, then maybe the Scooby Doo bandaids I'm sporting on my knee will.
KNEE SURGERY UPDATE:
I had my post op appointment on Friday. It was rather uneventful. I was expecting the doctor to actually touch my knee and try to bend it or whatever, but nothing... just a look and a "you can now shower, try to walk, here's a referral for Physical Therapy, and I want to see you in two weeks." visit. Hmmmm...that's all??? The nurse pulled my staples out. The first two felt good. Like scratching an itch. The second two hurt pretty bad. After that I was dreading the long incision staple extraction, which to my surprise didn't hurt at all because I was actually numb and couldn't feel a thing.
I got a new knee brace that isn't very comfortable, but I wouldn't try to walk without it. It gives me some piece of mind. It's supposed to help keep my knee cap in place while I try walking and whatnot...I'm not sure how long I will be sporting this new look, but I need to find some pants that will fit around it since the weather is actually beginning to feel like fall (nevermind that we had 80 degree weather on Saturday, November 6th, in Sacramento...weird!) and I've been wearing shorts since the beginning of June.
I also have been having a lot of swelling (once again, something I didn't realize would happen after surgery). My leg is huge and my ankle just might explode. It's so gross, but apparently is normal...just need to start walking to get the blood to circulate better:
I decided to take off the tape the doctor told me to leave on for a week (unless it falls off). It would catch on the brace every time I took it off or put it on. Now I'm sporting the Scooby Doo bandaids, but I was able to take this picture before I bandaged it all up again:
I think that it's going to look pretty good once it's healed. I don't even know how much of a scar I will have, but one thing is for sure...I am pretty proud of all my battle scars and I will be able to share with my grandkids someday how back in the day, they actually had to cut a person open to do surgery on them.
Life is getting back to normal. I know that it is going to take awhile and I need to have patience. I do know this...it's hard to exercise patience when I feel like that's all I've done and I don't want to do it anymore. I titled this post the Positivity Police because I'm giving myself a ticket for not being positive, but I'm on the downhill side of the mountain now and am hoping that my posts become a little more sarcastic and funny rather than down and depressing...those are more fun to read anyway.
"It's ok Rachael, you need to recover."..."It will get better Rachael, just hang in there."..."Are your kids helpful Rachael?...How about Patrick?"
It is true, my kids are very helpful...in making the messes, and to be quite frank, Patrick is a good contributor to it also. It's gotten to the point where my house isn't just cluttered anymore...it's actually dirty. Like gross dirty. I'm hiring someone to come in and clean the stuff that hasn't been cleaned in 3 weeks (like my toilets!).
The past 3 weeks have been tough. I don't know what I was thinking when recovery from knee surgery entered my mind. I knew I would be on crutches for 2 weeks...I didn't really realize I wouldn't be able to even feed myself (unless I stood at the counter), because of them. I didn't realize that the simple act of putting a sock, or underwear, or clothes on would require assistance from another person. I didn't realize that I would only get a shower once a week for that first 2 weeks and even then, it wasn't a real shower since I had to prop my leg on the toilet. I didn't realize that I wouldn't be able to sleep on my side or my stomach and that the phrase "Back is Best" would actually apply to me as well as a newborn. I didn't realize that my kids would totally ignore me knowing full well that I couldn't get up to make sure they did listen. I didn't realize that going to the bathroom would feel like an hour workout. I didn't realize that my wrists would replace the knee pain from the constant pressure on them from the use of crutches. I didn't realize that it would take 3 weeks before I could actually try to walk and even then, the knee would be wobbly and not steady from the mangled muscles around it. I definitely didn't realize that it would take me 3 weeks before I could actually drive anywhere. Getting into the car by myself is almost like the hour potty workout.
So I've been living the last 3 weeks of my life day to day. Trying to get up and push myself, crying in private (because I'm not a cryer...I'm NOT!). I've gone to church the past two Sundays (even though I can't do anything but listen). I made dinner tonight for the first time in 3 weeks, and I have even cleaned the kitchen a few times (minus the floors...hence, the food that's been there for days). I ventured over to Toys R Us with Carly yesterday (asked my mom to meet me there since it was my first outing alone). I've done some laundry and even dusted the living room. I got to take a real shower for the first time the other day. I just wanted to stay in it all morning. It felt so good! I even took a bath last night and was able to get in it and out of it all by myself. Kids have gotten breakfast served by me the past two mornings and I have been able to pick up Ethan from school the past few days too.
Life is getting better. Things are still really hard to do and extremely more time consuming than normal, but I can at least do them now. I'm hoping that I'll be able to decorate for Christmas in a nice clean house with clean carpets (which is another thing that I need to get done so it can stop bugging me). I don't have any hopes for Thanksgiving this year except that someone other than me will throw it at their house and make a killer turkey. I know that this is kind of a down and out post. I've just been having a hard time lately and let's face it, life isn't always so wonderful like people portray in blog land. I'm trying to stay positive and really focus on the stuff I CAN do rather than the stuff I can't. If that can't make me happy, then maybe the Scooby Doo bandaids I'm sporting on my knee will.
KNEE SURGERY UPDATE:
I had my post op appointment on Friday. It was rather uneventful. I was expecting the doctor to actually touch my knee and try to bend it or whatever, but nothing... just a look and a "you can now shower, try to walk, here's a referral for Physical Therapy, and I want to see you in two weeks." visit. Hmmmm...that's all??? The nurse pulled my staples out. The first two felt good. Like scratching an itch. The second two hurt pretty bad. After that I was dreading the long incision staple extraction, which to my surprise didn't hurt at all because I was actually numb and couldn't feel a thing.
I got a new knee brace that isn't very comfortable, but I wouldn't try to walk without it. It gives me some piece of mind. It's supposed to help keep my knee cap in place while I try walking and whatnot...I'm not sure how long I will be sporting this new look, but I need to find some pants that will fit around it since the weather is actually beginning to feel like fall (nevermind that we had 80 degree weather on Saturday, November 6th, in Sacramento...weird!) and I've been wearing shorts since the beginning of June.
I also have been having a lot of swelling (once again, something I didn't realize would happen after surgery). My leg is huge and my ankle just might explode. It's so gross, but apparently is normal...just need to start walking to get the blood to circulate better:
I decided to take off the tape the doctor told me to leave on for a week (unless it falls off). It would catch on the brace every time I took it off or put it on. Now I'm sporting the Scooby Doo bandaids, but I was able to take this picture before I bandaged it all up again:
I think that it's going to look pretty good once it's healed. I don't even know how much of a scar I will have, but one thing is for sure...I am pretty proud of all my battle scars and I will be able to share with my grandkids someday how back in the day, they actually had to cut a person open to do surgery on them.
Life is getting back to normal. I know that it is going to take awhile and I need to have patience. I do know this...it's hard to exercise patience when I feel like that's all I've done and I don't want to do it anymore. I titled this post the Positivity Police because I'm giving myself a ticket for not being positive, but I'm on the downhill side of the mountain now and am hoping that my posts become a little more sarcastic and funny rather than down and depressing...those are more fun to read anyway.
Sigh. I'm really sorry that things have been so rough for you.
ReplyDeleteI know that its frustrating when you can't physically do all the things that you need to do.
Please let me know how I can help more-- really.
I'll keep you in my prayers!
Aw, that's ok to have a down and out post every now and again. It shows that you're human :) I know you're getting better now, but if there is anything you need in the afternoons, just let me know! I get off work at 2pm :)
ReplyDeleteSorry that things have been rough lately...
ReplyDeletejust think of it as a reminder that you're tougher than you think you are!
You'll get through it and [hopefully] learn something from it, too!
P.S.
You're "RAD", Rach! :)